It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
