Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
