its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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