he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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