this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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