he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
