How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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