Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
