So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
