I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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