my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
