...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
a search helicopter?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
