I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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