Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
