The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize