The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
