We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
