apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
