Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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