She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
