News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
