there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
