I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
