Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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