What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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