Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
