your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
