did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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