I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
