i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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