sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
