listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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