How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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