no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
