Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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