i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
