4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
