the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
