Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
