is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are the jesus of drinking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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