pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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