Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
