So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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