Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
