I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
