Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
