I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
