its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
