Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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