I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
