Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
