i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
