i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
