I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she peed on how many people?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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