what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
