I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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