are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
