I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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